Day Four - Focus Issues

I can see how someone would become addicted to doing something like this. I have found I suddenly have the urge to go online and write about my experiences a lot. Most of the urges are about movies or my experience blogging, but sometimes I get it about daily crap and I have to stop myself. But there is also a loophole in my strict blogging rules: I can write anything I want in the comments areas. Hmm... sneaky. Interesting that I don't have the same feelings about what I write in there. I am not worried about being profound or using great language (that just comes naturally anyway - ha!), but I do enjoy some of the discussion that goes on in there, so keep it coming guys!

The biggest thing I am noticing since I started this blog is that I have become unfocused suddenly, though I would hardly expect that to be a universal experience. For some time I have suspected that I have ADD. And for the past few years I have found it a nearly impossible task to read a novel (or long/academic articles) which has been particularly sad for me since it has always been one of my favorite things to do. I thought that once school had finished I would have more focus again and I would be able to read. But no such luck. It wasn't until last week sometime that I finally found enough focus again to suddenly whip right through the second 2/3 of Life of Pie, and 1st half of A Town Like Alice in a matter of a couple of days. My theory was that it was the fact that I have been working so hard on my editing, and working with a strict schedule that gave me more structure in my life. Now - the focus is gone again. Can't turn off the racing thoughts. Can't tell my eyes where to look on the page. Thinking about writing all the time, I haven't been able to read my book (though I have tried) since Day 1 of blogging. My new theory is the creative juices are pouring out of control. I think when I have any untapped creative energy (or stress - though that's not it right now) that that is what causes my mind to wander uncontrollably. Thank God (or gods) that I can still watch movies because otherwise this would just make me lose my mind. Hopefully when I have relaxed in my position as blogger, and written a bit more of my ideas, that this will calm down so I can finish reading my current book and move on to the next one. (I was really into this one too, I so want to read it!)

I have been working on an essay for Popcorn and a Coke (henceforth to be known as PAAC, or P&aC, or PC, or P&C, hmm I think I like that last one best, anyone else?) for a couple of days. But I got a little stuck yesterday. And I wonder how worth it it is to do a little research and check sources for something like this. I mean, yeah, I am treating it as practice for my analytic writing etc., but ultimately how much should I worry about what I write in a blog that is so far only read by a small, tiny fraction of my family & friends.

That brings me to another point - I have thus far been too embarassed to send my blog(s) to everyone on my list. Maybe my courage will pick up soon. I just still feel pretty stupid, and vulnerable doing this. You know, when I was in school, I always felt that I had put a little of my soul into even my most formal papers and I refused to allow my fellow students to read anything I had written. What I wrote was reserved only for the eyes of the teacher. And that was only because she gave the grade, if I could have avoided that I would have. Since then, I have done three workshop-style writing classes in college. A creative-writing class, an advanced paper-writing class, and a screen-writing class. In each of these I was forced to allow other students to read and comment on my work, and give me suggestions for revision. I was completely shocked to find that I actually enjoyed this, so I was pretty much cured of my previous condition. But yet I don't want to advertise my blogs yet. Go figure.